Pandora recently me served up “Pictures of Matchstick Men”, a number from 1968 that I don’t think I’ve heard in 40 odd years.  They certainly never play it on those boring-hits-and-crappy-memories FM stations, anyway.

Yep, that piece of psychedelia was from Status Quo, their first big hit.  It took me way back.

Recently, however, you like me are perhaps being continuously appalled by the Quo’s latest refrain on free-to-air TV (to which I have sadly had to resort for Friday Night Football).  This piece of musical self-mutilation has various permutations, the most annoying so far of which goes:

“Down, down, prices are down,
Coles mince, it’s staying down.”

Coles mince?  The whole thing has thrown me into a grumpy old man over-reaction.  It’s got me saying things like:

“Surely those dopey big red hand-shaped guitars beg the question – aren’t there some things you just wouldn’t do, even if it was for big bucks?”

Look, I don’t claim to know what kind of financial shape Messrs Parfitt and Rossi are in, but Status Quo have sold 128 million records and are still touring (soon apparently with Uriah Heep, which should be very ‘umble, very heavy).  So maybe they are donating their fee to charity or something.

Or maybe they just want to stay in the public eye, and they are cross-promoting their records and tours.

Or, Brigitte posits over my shoulder while I am ranting, maybe they are having  fun?

I’m a realist; I understand the pressure in your 60’s, as these boys are, to monetise your achievements.  Hey, I was in investment banking in the 80’s, when everything had a venal tone to it.  And people used to love telling me that joke about why science researchers prefer using lawyers to lab rats – because there are some things that rats just won’t do.  But is Coles mince going a little too far?

The thought does occur to me, though, that maybe getting to 60 can seem like a licence to be judgemental and critical of other people’s decisions. That can be really boring for everyone who has to listen to the rants.  So, Rick and Francis, you keep banging away on the big red hands, and I’ll chill out and stop pontificating.  Anyway, the footy season is nearly over so I won’t have to watch free-to-air for the next few months.

Oh, wait, there’s the Ashes this summer ….

PS – the boys with real guitars, and a bit more hair. Didn’t you love 1968?

(Pictures courtesy of Google Images)

The Hulkster has always been a kind of anti-hero to me – just far enough on the side of the good v. evil wrestling divide to be admirable,  not too goodie-goodie to be boring, and that touch of larrikin which says “I know that there’s a fair few of you out there who know that I ‘m taking the piss.”  I recently heard that he had just turned 60, another fine product of 1953.  Or perhaps it was Terry Bolea who turned 60, rather than Hulk Hogan – the benefit in having a stage name like Hulk maybe.

I wondered if he and I had anything else in common, besides our year of birth.  After some intensive research (being 15 minutes in Wikipedia and 5 more in biography.com) I’ve discovered that he and I have quite a few cross-overs.  Like these:

• He made his debut as a wrestler in the same year I made mine as a lawyer – 1977
• He has a son and a daughter from his first marriage
• He is semi-retired now
• He lives his life according to personal values .

Well, he calls them “demandments” rather than values.  The four Hulk demandments are training, saying prayers, eating vitamins and believing in oneself.

Of course, there are many more differences than similarities between us – e.g.

• I’m not 6 foot 7 inches and 135 kilos, and I don’t have 24 inch biceps
• I’ve never been inducted into the Wrestling Hall of Fame (or the lawyers’ one either, come to think of it)
• I’m pretty sure I couldn’t body-slam Andre the Giant
• My signature move is falling off my bike, rather than doing the Atomic Drop.

He might look a little one-domensional, but I reckon there are nevertheless some lessons to be learned from Hulk Hogan.  Live by your values is one, even if they don’t qualify as demandments.  Don’t let yourself go is another – the Hulk can still put on a show in the ring.  And give something back – meeting Hogan is one of the most requested “wishes” of the terminally ill children benefited by the Make-a-Wish Foundation.

Cyndi Lauper recently turned 60 too, but that might be another story.

Sick of being chided by your children for the paltry number of icons on your smartphone? (You do have a smartphone, don’t you?)  Here are five apps to help fill the screen, and maybe even enhance your sixtified life.

Pandora

Sure, the kids will already have this one on their phones, because it’s a pretty hot app right now.  It sets up “radio stations” – you plug in the name of an artist or a song, and it scurries off to apply some algorithm or other and find artists and songs in a similar genre.

So when the family are there, you can call up the Martha Wainwright station and get a wide selection of indie folk – thus looking very up-to-date.  Then when they leave, you can switch to The Kinks station and get some seriously good ole rock.

Gymboss

Want to look in-the-know at the gym, in front of all the buff young crowd?  This one lets you set up exercise intervals of whatever length you like, with appropriate rest periods in between.  It has a satisfyingly loud beep telling you when to go hard, and when to rest.

So everyone in your vicinity can see and hear that you are serious about the treadmill or bike session you are doing.

ABC Radio

Yeah, look, the kids will call it “old people’s radio” (so does my wife).  But you can get any ABC radio station in the country.  So when you really don’t want to listen to the fishing show on ABC Sydney early on Saturday morning, you can flick to ABC Brisbane and get The Squeaky Wheel, about cycling stuff.  Or dodge the cricket broadcast when the Poms are doing really well and you can’t stand to hear the BBC commentators gloating.

And you can tell the kids it’s great to be able to stream Triple J now, whenever you like.

Tripview

This is actually a really useful app.  You can pick the line you want to travel on, to see when the trains leave your station and when you can come home.  It does buses and ferries as well, though I can’t attest to how useful those functions are.

This is especially helpful as you can now, at 60 plus, get those $2.50 all day train tickets to get you anywhere in the state.

Mindfulness

Being “mindful” is a very prominent concept at the moment, so it helps your currency to drop it in the right context.  The Mindfulness app gives you a range of guided meditations from 3 to 30 minutes so you can stay in the moment and listen to whatever the universe is trying to tell you.  And if that doesn’t push a button for you, the kids ought to be impressed.

If you like this app, you can then get Mindfulness 2, which has meditations where you can become a mountain or a lake for 20 minutes and get a different perspective on life.  How hip is that?

*****

With these new streams of content coming at you, there may be one more app you need.  If you are prone to drifting off into a nanna-nap with your earphones in, you should also get Sleep Timer, which will turn off your phone or iPod after the number of minutes you specify.

You don’t have to tell the kids about that one.